I Need Help

This fic has no real drama! moments, nothing special plot wise, nothing major really happening yet I liked it.

The Fall of Brian Kinney by Melanie.


Might be Spoilers:

I guess I liked it mostly because had I been able to actually write well, I might have written something like this, character-wise. It's soft and probably too kind to the characters but it's really close to how I perceive the characters, or at least what I think the writers intended for the characters, at least at some point in the show.

Loved that part about Brian started to talk when he was three, gahaha. So did I (I know, I love me so much). My mother was pretty worried, thought there's something wrong with me (well there was indeed something wrong but not my ability to speak) yet once I started talking I didn't stop.

Anyway I really liked this fic and how the author wrapped up the tale of Brian and Justin<3

I found another fic I could enjoy: a short, hot, totally AU fic where Brian is a vampire. While reading I kinda had the dreaded feeling I often had while reading BJ fics, that before the end of the fic I would see things in the fic that I didn't want to see.

The fic: A Binding Fate by Tgray

( The rest of this post is spoiler to the fic. )

Dear Fun_demented,

(I just thought since you're the only one that might be reading anyway I should just drop all pretenses. But of course this is for everyone who happens to be reading :>)

I have watched (and saved) quite a handful of fan videos (or video mixes, whatever they're called) of QaF, and from all of them I found my ultimate favorites:

( Continue here )

There are things I don't like about final episode of QaF.

Technically speaking? I hate that Brian and Justin (or Gale and Randy) became some projector's walls in their incredible love scene. Talk about unnecessary, distracting, ugly, ugh, blah, effect. It would have been such a beautiful, sad, heartfelt, heartbreaking, out-of-this world expression of love and longing. It still is, yet the impact would have been much greater without the 'special' effect. I can't even cry in peace seeing it because it's too distracting. And bad. So whoever decided to add that thing, well, I kinda hate you. I didn't even hate Chris Hobbs, mind you.

The main reason why Brian and Justin broke up in 507 was because someone had been dying to use the song, You Are My Sunshine, in QaF episode perhaps for a very long time gahahahaha.

I still think that's one of the most, most apt songs for the situations in QaF history, though. *sniffs*

Why is it that in QaF fan fic sites I visited, crappy fics with out-of-character characters got so many reviews/comments (even hundreds) while the good ones got moderate (at best) amount of reviews? Why?

I didn't really get why there are so many Michael-hate fics, or how some QaF lovers seem to have strong distaste for the poor, clueless guy. I mean I could see why, of course, since Cowlip seemed to enjoy throwing suspicious hints about Brian and Michael being more than friends. I didn't fall for those hints because I saw the whole QaF DVDs in one go, and watching it as a whole it's pretty easy to see that QaF was really about Brian and Justin, at least romantically speaking. Justin actually had no competition in that matter, his competition was only Brian's own wall, Brian's insecurities and emotional baggage. I actually quite liked Michael, he was really loyal and honest and could be really sweet but I could see why BJ lovers who watched the series weekly and then after such long hiatus every season would hate him thanks to Cowlip's weird sense of humor and some mean dialogues. But I didn't think that's enough reason to actually hate poor Michael with the strength of a thousand suns.

That's until I finally ventured into old, old archives of old, old QaF stuff on the web. Where BM shippers voiced their opinions on Justin. My lovely lovely Justin. Oh the things they said about my sweet Justin! On behalf of Michael! Enough to make my blood boil and almost enough to make me hate Michael and want to slap him silly just because his 'supporters' said those outrageous words about my sweet pretty Justin. Almost.

Ah well, I think now I know at least one possible reason why so many QaF/BJ's older fans hated Michael that much. It's nice to be a newer fan of QaF.

Yup, when "I" fell in love with Justin. I don't know for sure when Brian fell in love with Justin. Perhaps it's actually that first night under the lamp post, perhaps it's around prom, nobody knows for sure not even Brian, I think. Just like I'm not sure when I first fell for Justin. During the very early part of the first season I found mostly all characters in QaF irritating one way or the other, and I barely tolerated Brian, Justin, and Michael because they could be such asses. Up until the end of the first season I didn't even know whom I wanted Brian to end up with, though mostly it's because I was rather afraid that my choice would not be the 'one' for Brian. The last episode of season one naturally made me certain that Justin would be my choice, and I'd liked his courage and shamelessness in pursuing Brian. At the end of the series I found myself liking all three them, with Justin as my definite favorite.

One scene would be the best candidate for 'the moment', though. The moment when I stopped 'liking' Justin and fell in love with him. It was when the song 'When My Boy Walks Down the Street' was played, and Justin was walking into Brian's embrace while Brian's singing in his head that he's going to make Justin his wife, heh. Anyway the scene was just perfect to make me fall for Justin. When he asks what the kiss was for. When he says he can give himself head *snorts*. Especially when he says 'I know one that does'. Or was it 'I can think of one that does'? Anyway I loved the whole scene and dialogues, sigh. Sweet, beautiful and courageous Justin.

Another fic I hate, but good enough to be mentioned and recommended. This one belongs to a certain fic circle and regretfully I must say that the circle is full with catastrophic fics, ones that are so bad you'll cringe and scream while reading them. So it's a rare thing to find a decent fic like this one there. Anyway, this is another fic with Brian finding another person he loved more than Justin. And I think this has taught me that I simply can't enjoy such fic no matter how well written it is. I just can't. This particular one made me want to throw up, out of enormous sympathy I felt for Justin. I felt sick reading it. In reality I've lived long enough to know that most romances die rather quickly, people's feelings change all the time, and I myself haven't been able to stay in love for more than two years, in most cases much shorter than that. The feelings just fade. It's not that my feelings weren't real. I believe they were. It's just they don't remain. So I really think I'm being ridiculous by not accepting Brian to be truly in love with another person other than Justin. Still it's how I feel. Hah God knows I didn't enjoy QaF for its strong realistic feel. I loved it for the romantic, soapy feel, thank you very much. I still wonder about this Brian-Justin together forever thing though, because I think I can stomach it if it was Justin who finds another man. I did like Ethan, even when I firmly thought Brian was the one for Justin. I don't know, probably I should find a good post-513 fic about Justin finding another man and see if I can really stomach it.  Hmm no, I don't think so, actually I think I'll hate it just as much. Perhaps I should stop reading post-513 fic altogether. Not that this is a post-513 fic, mind you, but it might as well be.

The Other Foot Series by Simon.

A RPS (Real Person Slash) crack fic I love, written very nicely by Mcpofife. Gale and Randy. Don't take it seriously, don't get upset etc etc. The author's warning:

WARNING: RPS FIC. A non-AU Randy/Gale, Randy/Brian. Yes, I said a non-AU Randy/Brian. Yes, I know what "non-AU" means. That's the least cracked-out part of the fic, trust me. This pokes fun at Randy, Gale, QAF fans, people that wear eyepatches, and pretty much everything else I could think of. If you're not going to go in with a sense of humor, then just don't go in at all.

Find it here: http://www.geocities.com/mcpofife/fanboy.html



SPOILERS:

Lots of things in this fic cracked me up, but I think my fav part was this:


"Oh my god, it is so hard being smart. How do we put up with all the dummies? It just makes me wanna puke forever," Randy whined. "Maybe all us smart people should just, like, buy a big house somewhere and live in it."

"A utopian society," Simon nodded encouragingly.

"Well, it wouldn't have to be in Africa," Randy disagreed. "Maybe in Spain, like Argentina or something." Simon opened his mouth to interrupt, but Randy stood up and said, "Do these pants make my ass look fat?"

:D

The only part that I couldn't help thinking as slightly disturbing was the amputation part (no, NOT on Randy or Gale) but it's ok. Still a fantastic RPS fic.

Sure Justin suddenly has a very noticeably longer hair. And practically everyone has a new hair style. But one thing I really noticed was that Justin's voice has changed. Whyyyy?? Did Randy have too long hiatus that he forgot how Justin sounded before? Did he no longer care how Justin sounded? Did the writers think Justin should sound differently? Was I imagining things?

I'm posting about a QaF fanfic that I read, "Better Friends and Lovers" by Arwensong. Find it here:
http://www.mags-nificent.com/MSW/ArF/BFL.htm

This is a fic worth mentioning because it actually infuriated me, which is a rare occasion while reading a fic. What follows is obviously spoiler for the fic.

Set in post 513, this fic is mostly about Brian, and how Brian deals with life after Justin left for New York. And about Danny, the new guy for him. I know that most fanfic writers write what they want, for their own pleasure and their own satisfaction, and if by doing that then other people get to be happy too then that's great, but they don't write to make other people happy and they really shouldn't. This author-centric reality is really great because if this fic was written for me then I would say it's a complete and utter disaster. Objectively speaking I don't think it's a disaster, especially because this fic wasn't written for me. But why would I care about Danny and his family after watching the whole five seasons about Justin and Brian and Michael and their blood and surrogate families? Why would I care about the whole O'keefe siblings and families when it's the Liberty Boys and Girls who I cared about? Well I indeed don't. I really don't care about them and this fic doesn't make me care about them, I could hardly read through the whole O'keefe characters, there are so many of them and I don't care about any of them.

But do I think the story in this fic would never happen in QaF universe? No. I think it could have been. Justin's indifference, selfishness, childishness and insensitivity in this fic was rather hard to accept, considering how collected, mature and calm he was at the end of season five, but to cast this part aside, I don't think the plot itself isn't plausible. Brian and Justin could end up together and they could end up not together. Both could fall for other people in the future. I liked the part that mentioned that Brian was hurt when Justin freaked out that Brian didn't want to fuck that guy at their stag party, or when Brian said he wanted to cuddle, because I did think Brian serious with those actions and he actually wanted to change that way, even though he exaggerated to tick Justin off, because he wanted Justin to go to New York. I did think that he was hurt that Justin rejected this change of his, even when he expected Justin to.

I don't like reading post 513 fic, because all of them challenges my own version. The thing is, I don't really have a version for it. But I just know I don't enjoy reading them. So why did I read, and then continue reading this one? Usually when I hated a fic I would stop reading immediately and wouldn't bother to know the ending. That didn't happen with this fic. Oh I did skip a lot but I did want to know how things end. Something about it made me think this fic was worth the time to read and my suffering through the whole O'keefe squad. I think this fic is well written and interesting in its own way. But it doesn't mean I liked it. In fact I hated it. Justin's lover and friends and families more or less gave up on his hold on Brian after mere five months?! I really think Justin would at least have five more years before that could happen. But then again I adore Justin, I personally would give him a century. Basically I think the plot would be more convincing if it happens a couple of years after 513.

And I'll get back to the main 'criticism' for this fic. I love Justin and I don't care about Danny and his whole family!!!! Gaaaah!!! *Slaps Danny silly 100 times and tramples on him*.

Adorable Justin, if you're reading this, you're still the one and only for me and for my version of Brian, no one even comes close :>

But I am actually recommending this fic because if you're not crazy about Justin and/or was one of those who always thought Brian was too good for Justin then you might really enjoy reading it. I wouldn't know, though. Grrrr.

I moderately love to read. Fiction, non fiction, news, whatever. Especially fiction. Can and do enjoy different kinds of narrative modes, too. Except one. The second-person point of view.

You do this you do that you feel this you feel that you are this you are that. Drives me crazy and makes me want to smack the fic back at the author and scream. This narration is not enjoyable even on porn fic.

Glad I got that out of my system.

Fic Rec: I Know What You Wished For.

This one Queer as Folk fanfic by Lane Carson I really enjoyed reading. I loved the narration and the characterizations. It's just a very well written fic. I don't really remember all twists and turns of events in this fic, but I remember one particular twist that DIDN'T happen that I wished otherwise.

No idea how to make a cut in this journal yet so do note that the remaining of this post is a SPOILER that you really can't read before reading the fic, so if you're bored, have some time to kill and haven't ever read this fic then I suggest you do, by going here: http://www.angelfire.com/folk/laneysqafstories/ to find the fic and read it. And return here only after you finished it, if you still remember to. Bye and take care.

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So, on to the spoiler.

I really wished Lindsay didn't tell Michael about Brian's plan to accept Michael as his boyfriend and to leave Justin behind. I really really liked this part of the fic, the idea that if Brian had the time to really think about the situations in his life, when he realized --at this point of time where Michael didn't have anyone he loved but Brian since David had gone and Ben hadn't yet to come-- that he could actually be having a romantic relationship with someone and could actually love someone that way, he would have thought that Michael and nobody else deserved the spot. It's just something that I thought Brian would actually be feeling. It felt right and true to the character, no matter how much of a Justin's slave I really am. I know Brian loved Michael enough to feel that way.

So I shuddered in anticipation, imagining the angst and excitement when Brian managed to convince Michael that he wanted Michael that way, Michael's acceptance and happiness, Justin's heartbreak and numbness, Brian realizing he'd been fooling himself because Justin just wouldn't go away from his thoughts and he wouldn't be able to let himself away from Justin, Michael's realization he'd been fooling himself, Brian and Michael's painful break-up, Brian trying to find a way to make Michael forgive him for the terrible mistake, Michael's hurt and his ability to go beyond his hurt to finally forgive Brian and accept him as a friend again, Justin's hurt and his initial reluctance to forgive Brian for his cruel decision, Justin and Brian finally accepting their unquenchable feelings for each other. And I just knew that the author could have pulled all of this wonderfully. Too bad she didn't go for it. Damn Lindsay and her kind intentions. To think again, though, Brian wouldn't have told Lindsay about his plan if somewhere in him, he knew for sure that he wanted someone to stop him from carrying on with the terrible plan.

One thing I loved about what actually happened in this fic (besides the fine narration and story and characterizations etc etc), is that Brian and Michael actually talked about Michael's feelings and desires for Brian, and actually and properly closed this chapter of their lives for good. I think they both, especially Michael, deserved that closure. I highly doubt that really took place in the show anywhere in the many gaps of the series' episodes.

Should have opened a journal here sooner than in LJ. I am insane, and not in a good way. So I suppose this service should suit me better.